Boredom

I told my boss yesterday that I was bored.  I am tired of teaching the classes I am teaching.  I need a challenge.  And then today I got to thinking about boredom.  What is it?  Is it necessarily bad?  And is boredom really what is ailing me?

Dictionary.com defines boredom as

“the state of being bored; tedium; ennui”

but that isn’t very helpful.  At least I don’t think so.

So I checked wikipedia, which says:

“Boredom is an emotional state experienced when an individual is left without anything in particular to do, and not interested in their surroundings.”

That seems a little closer to what I am experiencing.  I don’t have to think a lot about my classes; I just design a few new activities from time to time and then let the students work on the computer software the rest of the time.  I answer questions and help with problems as they arise.

So I decided to read on.  Under the heading of Psychology, wikipedia goes on to say:

In positive psychology, boredom is described as a response to a moderate challenge for which the subject has more than enough skill.

Now that is more like it.  I am bored at work because it isn’t fully utilizing my skills and abilities.  I was doing OK with that until I read:

Although boredom is often viewed as a trivial and mild irritant, proneness to boredom has been linked to a very diverse range of possible psychological, physical, educational, and social problems.

So maybe I am not so enamored of wikipedia’s Boredom page after all!

But I am still not sure if I think boredom is a bad thing or not.  It seems like it might be, and it surely feels like it on many occasions, but is it?  It seems to me that when I am bored, I am often led to start a new project.  This is especially true at work.  I want to develop more classes, work the kinks out of them, and then turn them over to someone else.

Oh, that sounded very egotistical!

I think I am suffering from boredom.  I have always hated to sit around with nothing to do.  I thrive on a challenge.  Now I just have to find a way out of it, to come up with a new challenge in my life.  Anyone who knows me would be fairly certain that I have about plenty of challenges in my life right now, but obviously I need another one — maybe one I can do something about for a change!

Slow going

I have had a hard time getting going on writing again — despite my good intentions and unbridled optimism.  I wrote for several days in my journal and made a couple posts here and then nothing.  I was busy.  I was lazy.  I was not home.  But most of all, I just didn’t write.

Today, though, I journaled a little.  I found some information about Japanese trees for the novel, and now I am posting here.  Maybe there is hope!

Belonging

“Places possess an emotional significance that contribute profoundly to our identity as individual human beings; we all must belong somewhere to be complete persons.”

I read that today in the book I picked up from the bookshelf in my classroom, The Human Mosaic by Bychkov, Domosh, Newmann, and Price.  (It was on page 1, if you are interested.)

And since I read it, I have been unable to get it out of my mind.

Where do I belong?  I was born in northern Illinois but have not been back there even for a visit in almost 20 years.  I have lived in many countries and in many states.  Where is it that I truly belong?  What place makes me a complete human being?

Would it be presumptuous to say that I am different, that I don’t need a physical place?  Probably.  And yet that is how I feel.  But maybe I am fooling myself.  Maybe I am missing something.  Or maybe I really do feel that I belong someplace.

I think that, for me, my husband has taken the place of a place.  I belong with him.  I think that is part of what has been so difficult about this last year and a half with only seeing each other every 3 or 4 weeks.  I feel incomplete.  Not in a “You complete me” kind of way, though.  It isn’t that corny.  But I think that, because we have lived so many places for so long, he is the only real constant in my life.  And I am OK with that.

But the quote also made me think about my kids.  I think a couple of them have suffered from that lack of place, that lack of belonging.  And I am only just now realizing it.  Too late, in many ways.  This is something I am going to have to ponder for a while.

Home again…

Yes, we have been home from our trip to Kansas for a long time.  But I am taking a few days off work and am “home” again in Portales.  It’s where my husband, my dogs and my books are, so it feels like home.  

Funny thing is, this is only the second time I have been here since I left at the end of December, 2011.  

New Theme

I wasn’t doing much better this month than last in terms of writing here.  But I posted a book I had finished reading to my 2013 reading list, and I decided I was bored with the theme of this blog.  I hadn’t looked at options for ages, and I was pleasantly surprised by some of the new options.  I tried on several before finding this one.  It was love at first sight!

Will I write more because I have a new theme?  It’s worth a shot!

Traveling

My husband and I are taking a road trip.  We left Grants yesterday morning and are currently in Winfield, Kansas.  It will be a quick trip, I’m afraid, as I have to be at work Monday morning.  It’s OK, though, because in addition to the business we are here on, we will get to see an old friend.  It’s great!

Taking a break for family

This month has been dedicated to family.  The first weekend was my son’s birthday, and my husband and I spent a couple days with him.  This past weekend my granddaughter was in a play at school, so I spent the weekend with them and went to the play.  Both events were important, and I was glad to be able to spend the time with family.  It doesn’t happen very often!

A Break

I have been back in Portales since Sunday, taking a little break from life in Grants.  It is nice to be home.  It is the first time I have been back since I left on January 2nd.

I have not done much of anything since I got here but read and talk with my husband.  And play with the dogs.  It has been real nice.  It is going to be hard to leave again.

The year is winding down.

The year is almost over. I can´t say that I am sorry; it has been a difficult year in many ways.  In other ways, though, it has been pretty good.

Tomorrow morning I will go into work for the last time this year.  When I come back to work in January, I will most likely be teaching different classes.  I am sad about this in some ways.  I like my students a lot and will miss them.  But I am always anxious for a new challenge.  So I am  excited about the change, too.

On the 31st my husband and I will celebrate our 41st wedding anniversary.  I can´t believe it!  Can it really have been that long?  Are we really old enough to have been married that long?

2012 hasn´t been the best year of my life, but it certainly hasn´t been the worst, either.  So I am grateful for it.  But I won´t really miss it when it is gone.

December already!

This year has flown by.  I can say it has been a great one, but it hasn´t been bad.  I just can´t believe how fast it has gone!